I’m just back from my first solo adventure to help my recovery after the bereavement of losing my wife Ann to cancer at the end of July.
And what a journey it was, with a 7-hour train ride through the southern central Norwegian mountain-belt, from Oslo to Bergen, the day after joining thousands outside Oslo Cathedral to say farewell to Norway’s long-serving King Herald V.
I realise going to another country to watch the state funeral of a foreign monarch might not be everyone’s ideal way to get over a bereavement.
However, I was in Oslo visiting relatives and Norwegian friends and colleagues from my days with the European Universities PR association, EUPRIO, and I just had to go and soak up the up the atmosphere.
Celebration of life
The king’s funeral was a celebration of the life of a popular figure. Just like Ann!
Perhaps her funeral was on a slightly smaller scale a month earlier. But we succeeded in making it a celebration of her life, too!
Ann died at home, as she wanted, after a ten-day stay in one of the James Cook cancer wards.
After being diagnosed, Ann was initially treated at Newcastle’s Freeman Hospital.
At first, signs were hopeful and she had a small operation in the hope of removing the cancer cells and she seemed to be responding well to immunotherapy.
Helping medical research
She even agreed to help medical researchers at Newcastle and Oxford Universities with their trials into identifying early signs of cancer by giving extra blood samples.
Sadly, the cancer started to spread and her treatment was transferred closer to home at James Cook, the same hospital where I had been a bowel cancer patient a decade earlier.
Bit unnerving walking down the same corridors and seeing some of the same staff, but at least we knew our way around the hospital maze.
We soon slipped back into a regular routine of blood tests, CT and MRI scans and regular appointments with her consultant, the charming Dr Wilson.
Golden wedding anniversary
At first, the chemotherapy seemed to be helping and we even managed a three-day trip to Manchester to celebrate our golden wedding anniversary last year and help granddaughter Natalia settle into student life at Manchester Met University.
But this year things took a turn for the worse and Ann agreed to try a stronger alternative chemo, but it left her exhausted and unwell.
Bringing Ann home from hospital was all done at breakneck speed and the home care was put together as we went along. I couldn’t have managed without the NHS home help professionals and district nurses – and, particularly family members living nearby, especially my daughter Jacqueline and her husband, Carlo. We turned our front room into a hospital private ward, complete with special hospital bed borrowed from James Cook Hospital.
She died six days after we managed to bring her home at the end of July.
Front row seats
It certainly gave us front row seats to the state of NHS adult health and care in the community, a subject close to new Prime Minister Andy Burnham’s heart as his father has recently died of Alzheimer’s. I may write more about that later.
For now, I am concentrating on getting over my bereavement and my new life as a widower after more than five decades of living with Ann.
I knew Ann was very ill, but the end came very quickly even if it was not totally unexpected.
Solo trip abroad
After the funeral, I decided a solo trip abroad would help me get back into the world outside hospitals and health care settings and the natural choice was Norway. It was great to meet up again with nephews Thomas and Kevin and their families.
Ann’s late brother George went to Norway to work when his shipyard apprenticeship ended without a permanent job in the early 1970s and his wife, Marit, came to Ann’s funeral with her son Kevin and grandson Teo, who both helped to carry the coffin into the chapel.
It was a good choice for my first trip outside the North of England in four years. I used to travel a lot by myself attending conferences and events as a freelance higher education journalist.
Epic train journey
After visiting youngest nephew Thomas and catching up with Mathilde and Emma, who are now students studying in Oslo, I also had a reunion with old pals from my days in the European university PR association, EUPRIO, before embarking on one of the great train journeys of the world – the Bergen Express.
The train traverses the mountains, huge lakes and wild rivers and glaciers of south Norway. It is an epic coast to coast journey which I would highly recommend to any fellow adventurers.
Thanks to Kevin and his wife Hanne (and Teo and Adine) for all the island hopping and mountain exploring (and fishing lesson) in and around Bergen and Stord and fine hospitality.
As well as getting back to travelling, I’ve also got more active in the local political scene and rejoined the executive of the local community council as well as increasingly my weekly swimming sessions from one or two to a three-times a week.
Globe Theatre
I even managed a rare trip to London before flying out to Oslo – the day before air traffic control chaos hit the UK and had my first trip to The Globe Theatre on the south bank of the Thames to see Shakespeare’s comedy, ’Love’s Labour’s Lost’.
Fantastic production and what a venue. I went with old London school friend, Ann Pugh, who lost her husband Mick to cancer a few years ago. So, we had some stories to share about coping with bereavement.
I think I am coping quite well so far, and I’ve accepted invitations to visit other old friends that I’ve been meaning to visit for years.
And I’ve put my chef’s hat back on to serve up some of my classic favourites to friends and family, with a focus on moussakas and red wine casseroles.
Strictly alone
I know the dark nights of winter are ahead and that it will be the odd things that bring home that I am now alone, such as watching Strictly Come Dancing by myself, which both Ann and I used to love watching together.
I plan to return to my journalistic reporting. There’s plenty to say about the trials and tribulations of the British higher education scene, which seems to have gone from one crisis to the next over a long hot summer while I’ve been watching from a distance.
It has been a distressing time, and I’d like to thank everyone who has helped with Ann’s care, especially my daughter, Jacqueline, and her husband, Carlo and Maggie’s, the holistic cancer care support centre in Middlesbrough. We had a collection for them at Ann’s funeral and raised over £300.
This is my first blog since June, but I hope to return soon to writing, perhaps to say what I think of Andy Burnham’s Labour government and how universities could overcome their mounting challenges.
Perhaps, when the time is right I’ll say more about how to improve cancer and community care. But that will be for another day!
Main image: State funeral of King Herald V in Oslo